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WEEKS BECOMES TIME; TIME AFTER TIME…

Hasn’t even been a week; but it feels like months.  I really felt that I wouldn’t be in the hunt for another dog, for a long time; but the day after she passed, I called the Rosalind at the Jindo Rescue.  I’ve never had that type of lonliness, even when Brando died, because at that time, I had Lola, and that helped the situation.  This time, I didn’t have anything like that.  I knew that I wanted another Jindo, they are a hard breed to get used to, but after you do, it’s like an addiction to a breed.

It’s hard, especially if you’re not a dog person, or even a cat, bird, turtle, whatever turns you on person; and you start to read these blogs, and wonder what the heck are they saying?  To those people, I just say, hang with me, and you’ll see that I am a regular person, just a little bit confused right now.  I’ll come back, it might be a while, but I’ll come back; it might be with another dog, I don’t know.  It takes 2 to tangle.  There has to be an attraction, from me to the dog, and from the dog to me.  You know it when it’s there, and I hope to find that soon.  I have to say this, but I really MISS her, again, I really miss her. 

We are all so wrapped up in our “routines”, me included, and once that changes, we fill lost.  I was so wrapped up, even looking forward to our early morning walks, (even at 5:30-6:00!), because it warmed me up for my early morning work-outs.  Now,  I get up, do my juicing, (like I think we ALL should be doing), and I look around, to what amounts to nothing, mind you.  It still blows me away.  Even though Lola was with me almost all the time, when she wasn’t and  I come home, open the gate, (6 foot high redwood gate), and I still look for her.  Boy, would someone PLEASE tell me when that stops!  I know that I’m a half-brain here, but it doesn’t set in that she’s not here; weird.

I guess that I could go on with my “little sad” stories, but they are all the same; my dog, my heart.  To everyone who wrote to me, either email, or facebook, thank you SO  much.  A couple of words of support, means a lot.  I’ll have to say this once, just to get it out.  I did have to take her in to the vet, to get her shot, to make her pass.  Rough.  ROUGH.  It’s peaceful, but I never thought I’d get hit with the emotions that I did.  Why did I think that?  I just thought, when Brando died, who could feel that bad? I have an answer; me, and anyone else who has a pet.  You spend SO much time with them, at least with me, it was an extraordinary amount of time, so what do you expect?  Does the word “loneliness” hit home?  Life goes on, and life?  I’m actually still loving it, so I have to move with it.  Sometimes in life, it gets a little difficult, but no one said life would be a bed of roses, I guess just roll with it.

Hopefully, things pass; not the memories, just the hurt/pain time in the last month.  It was terrible to watch, but I had to stay strong, she’s my dog!!  So I did.  I had to pick her up to take her out, and hold her up, she had no strength to hold herself up.  Then the time came when she couldn’t even lift her head up, off the floor.  That’s when I knew it was time.  Just a couple of days, for all of this that I just wrote.  Tough.  And now there’s no pain, except in my heart…

 

3 Comments

  • Donna Manders

    Scott…. you were beyond blessed to share your lives as long as you did. What a extraordinary life you had with Lola ~ what magnificent teachers they are, and soul mates….and you never lose a soul mate. with so much sadness, and so much love and so much appreciation. Whew….. it hurts, boy do I know. Much love. Donna

  • Joe Yonkouski

    Wow. It hurts us so much to know that you are going through this. We just want you to know that we’d love to be able to say SOMETHING to help ease the pain. But, we know the right words aren’t there. We know all too well how that “routine” …whatever it is….walking with them…sleeping with them and feeling that security…whatever…when that routine is changed, it changes our lives. No matter how strong we are, or think that we are….it’s a sign that we are human and have opened our hearts to our pets.
    We’ve all said it so many times….Lola was so very fortunate to have you and you did what was right for her.
    Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that one dog who touches their heart so deeply…unfortunately, it comes at a price. But in the end, all the joy we get from them…and give them…is worth it.
    Take care. We’re all thinking of you and hurting and praying for you.
    Remember, Lola, B, Destiny, Dwight & Yosemite are running around all healthy and thanking us for introducing them.
    Joe and Ginna

  • Marcy Ayanian

    Dear Scott,

    Something told me it was time to check your blog again and now I see why. I am so very sorry for your loss. I’ll always remember seeing Lola at Studio 1-on-1. When I arrived and saw her sitting outside the back door, I knew my trainer was there, too. Lola – Scott. Scott – Lola. I knew from how you talked about her and how attentive you were to her that you loved her with all your heart. And there’s no doubt in my mind that she returned that love.

    Coming to accept the loss – that’s the hard part, and, unfortunately, it takes time. When I lost my kitty, William, the strangest thing about it was that, even though he was just a little thing, his absence made my house feel so big and empty. Sometimes I would imagine I saw him out of the corner of my eye, or sense that he had jumped on my bed. How could it be that that sweet source of comfort and companionship that had been there for years was suddenly gone? As you say, it is ROUGH. The deeper the love, the higher the price we pay. But, golly, when we think of the joy they gave us, would we have it any other way?

    It was partially your influence that led me to get dogs about 8 months after I lost William. I got two Pomeranian mixes from rescue organizations, and they are the joy of my life. Your beautiful writing about Lola has reminded me to enjoy every minute I have with them, because, eventually, their time will come to go to their Creator, just as Lola has. I too believe we will see our beloved little friends again someday.

    Lola was one lucky dog that you were the one who spotted her at that busy intersection and that she had the beautiful life you gave her. Somewhere there’s another lucky dog just waiting to be yours whenever you are ready.

    May God give you comfort until then.

    Marcy

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