Hasn’t even been a week; but it feels like months. I really felt that I wouldn’t be in the hunt for another dog, for a long time; but the day after she passed, I called the Rosalind at the Jindo Rescue. I’ve never had that type of lonliness, even when Brando died, because at that time, I had Lola, and that helped the situation. This time, I didn’t have anything like that. I knew that I wanted another Jindo, they are a hard breed to get used to, but after you do, it’s like an addiction to a breed.
It’s hard, especially if you’re not a dog person, or even a cat, bird, turtle, whatever turns you on person; and you start to read these blogs, and wonder what the heck are they saying? To those people, I just say, hang with me, and you’ll see that I am a regular person, just a little bit confused right now. I’ll come back, it might be a while, but I’ll come back; it might be with another dog, I don’t know. It takes 2 to tangle. There has to be an attraction, from me to the dog, and from the dog to me. You know it when it’s there, and I hope to find that soon. I have to say this, but I really MISS her, again, I really miss her.
We are all so wrapped up in our “routines”, me included, and once that changes, we fill lost. I was so wrapped up, even looking forward to our early morning walks, (even at 5:30-6:00!), because it warmed me up for my early morning work-outs. Now, I get up, do my juicing, (like I think we ALL should be doing), and I look around, to what amounts to nothing, mind you. It still blows me away. Even though Lola was with me almost all the time, when she wasn’t and I come home, open the gate, (6 foot high redwood gate), and I still look for her. Boy, would someone PLEASE tell me when that stops! I know that I’m a half-brain here, but it doesn’t set in that she’s not here; weird.
I guess that I could go on with my “little sad” stories, but they are all the same; my dog, my heart. To everyone who wrote to me, either email, or facebook, thank you SO much. A couple of words of support, means a lot. I’ll have to say this once, just to get it out. I did have to take her in to the vet, to get her shot, to make her pass. Rough. ROUGH. It’s peaceful, but I never thought I’d get hit with the emotions that I did. Why did I think that? I just thought, when Brando died, who could feel that bad? I have an answer; me, and anyone else who has a pet. You spend SO much time with them, at least with me, it was an extraordinary amount of time, so what do you expect? Does the word “loneliness” hit home? Life goes on, and life? I’m actually still loving it, so I have to move with it. Sometimes in life, it gets a little difficult, but no one said life would be a bed of roses, I guess just roll with it.
Hopefully, things pass; not the memories, just the hurt/pain time in the last month. It was terrible to watch, but I had to stay strong, she’s my dog!! So I did. I had to pick her up to take her out, and hold her up, she had no strength to hold herself up. Then the time came when she couldn’t even lift her head up, off the floor. That’s when I knew it was time. Just a couple of days, for all of this that I just wrote. Tough. And now there’s no pain, except in my heart…